that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
