I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
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