just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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