I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
