you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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