If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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