Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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