bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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