Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
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