and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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