I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
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