Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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