ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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