i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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