i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
