My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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