apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
