He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
he puts the penis in happiness.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
