you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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