yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
She announced her abortion via fbk
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
