hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Randomize
