by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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