Buhtt sex?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
where does the pee come out of this thing
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
