It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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