we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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