Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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