Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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