I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
