I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
