Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
