i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
