Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
