My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
