I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
