marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
