She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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