what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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