Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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