I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
