In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Randomize
