i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
