wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
