Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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