Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.