So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
