my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
