Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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