I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
