Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
