so that wasnt chicken after all
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
