I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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