so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
