I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
