if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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