I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
