Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
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"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
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No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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