you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
