It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
