I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
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just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
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Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time