So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.