I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
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