Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.