I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend