just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you