so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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