Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
