i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
